A touching, heartbreaking memoir of motherhood, marriage, and madness

This was my forty-second book I chose via the Reedsy Discovery program, for which I am the single approved reviewer for this new book. This review also appears on Reedsy.

If you’re interested in becoming a Reedsy reviewer (and have the chance to get paid “tips” to review books!) check it out here.

The Premise

From marriage at a young age to her last days, Joan Burns recounts her life as a mother and wife in a working-class community in North-East England — mostly marred by her husband’s obsessive behaviour and poor mental health, which negatively impacted their entire family and threatened to ruin her happiness. Joan’s story is a moving account of heartache, resilience, and love.

The Pros

This was a touching, heartbreaking memoir of motherhood, marriage, and madness.

We learn of Joan’s early life and her parents’ relationship, which was strained; along with all her family’s histories that also shaped her beliefs about love and marriage. After falling out with her first love as a teenager, Joan soon falls in love with another man: Kenny. They marry and eventually have five children, but marital bliss is not to be: Kenny suffers from what we now know to be Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder — at the time, it was experienced by Joan to be bouts of madness where he spent hours washing himself, had peculiar behaviour such as replacing door handles and crockery that was “contaminated”, and in general he was extremely unreasonable and stubborn.

I loved reading about her entire family’s histories, and felt like I knew many of the characters as they were so vividly described. I also enjoyed learning about the trials and tribulations of motherhood and managing a household — bouncing around from home to home between rentals and government housing; spending all day washing, cooking, cleaning, and preparing and seeing about a family, and (something that resonates in every era!): running up debt while struggling to make ends meet.

This is truly a treasure trove of a time capsule of that era. As a reader we experience the joy of a time long gone by, when children were happily running around outside playing, before incessant gadgets and insolent know-it-all attitudes of today’s youth became the norm. Her children adore and respect her, and at times her daughter Julie carries a heavy burden of duty as an additional mother to the younger ones.

I appreciated that Joan was able to understand Kenny’s behaviour as illness rather than just peculiarity, but unfortunately at the time there was little she could do to help him, even though she tried many times. It was horrific to learn of the ways Kenny threatened their family’s happiness, and there are heartbreaking moments that pack a powerful punch.  There are also sweet times, and the lingering innocence and faith of the family’s matriarch Joan as she constantly strives to provide the best circumstances to produce a loving family home despite her husband’s madness and selfishness. I especially loved that she was able to open her heart again, as a mature woman, after all that she had suffered through with Kenny — this truly made my heart sing.

Exquisitely written, this story touches your heart and stays in your soul. Though told in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, there is still a pleasing dollop of dry British humour sprinkled throughout, which made it an enjoyable read from beginning to end. I finished it easily in just a couple of days, staying up late into the night to finish a chapter — only to move onto the next chapter as I couldn’t stop there!

Conclusion

This memoir was a collaboration of Joan’s documents, her daughter’ Julie’s revisions, a ghostwriter, and additional editing; and it was published by Julie’s daughter after the passing of her mother and grandmother. I am honoured to have gotten the chance to read and review this written tale of such valuable and cherished lives gone by, and would highly recommend to other readers.

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