motherhood - Sacha T. Y. Fortuné

The Cost of Creativity: Motherhood vs. Writing

I made it. One month into motherhood!

Okay, so I probably need to back up a bit. There’s been a long, long silence here… and for good reason.

At the start of the year, I welcomed my son into the world. My new year’s baby. My miracle baby.

…And yes, I was pretty quiet about it until after the fact. Which is rare, when you’re striving to be a successful writer and maintain a prominent social media presence.

‘Work-in-progress’ woes

Quite simply, I wanted to keep that precious part of my life away from social media.

…Though, to be honest, I was fairly “mum” (pun intended) on the topic in my personal life as well. It wasn’t until late in the pregnancy that my work colleagues and some friends found out, and many only found out when I sent a photo of him from my hospital bed! (Not to mention those who STILL haven’t gotten the memo!)

When something is so precious to me, silence is my only recourse.

In the same way that I am reluctant to share a really rough “work-in-progress” of my writing, I didn’t want to share my newest “work-in-progress” blooming from within.

I needed to work in silence, putting up a barrier to protect myself from the public eye so I could focus on the important task at hand.

You see, there’s always going to be someone in your audience who may not have your best interests at heart. Or the well-intentioned ones that just rub you the wrong way (conflicting or needless advice, birth horror stories, and the like!).

Once you put something out there, you don’t know the kind of energy you invite.

The energy to create life

…And speaking of energy, that was the other reason for my silence: I simply wasn’t writing.

I wasn’t on my website or my social media channels. I wasn’t running promotions. I wasn’t religiously logging in to my sales dashboard to see if I made a few pennies that day.

Suddenly, being a mommy was way more critical than being a writer… just as I suspected it would be, which is why I pushed myself to finish the first three books in my Hart & Cole series before I headed down the motherhood path.

I had to “birth” my books before I could birth anything else.

Being a published writer was a lifelong goal since I was a tot myself, and I didn’t want to be one of those writers who let circumstances derail me from that goal.

At the same time, I totally understand those who struggle to balance family life with writing demands.

Creating and nurturing life is tiring and requires an enormous amount of energy, and it bodes the same for breathing life into the stories you create.

It’s only been a month for me, and I can tell you: parenthood is no joke. It’s hard work and it’s not always glorious or cute. And no one wants to be so tired from life that writing feels like a chore!

Book Baby vs. Real Baby

I’ve always known that writing is a hectic stress on my body and brain, as I’ve written about on my blog earlier. So last year, once I knew my baby was on the way, I made a decision and took a break from my book babies.

Thank God I did — I couldn’t deal with preggy pains and hormones on top of the rollercoaster of writer emotions… (to the mamas that do, you’re my heroines!)

I also needed to preserve all that crazy writer energy and stamina — you know, the adrenaline that keeps you up at night on a million websites researching how best to market your masterpiece!

I now had to turn to my new obsession: building a baby.

My paranoia drove me to the height of late-night panic sessions about whether I was doing everything right for my little one. I learnt far more than I ever thought I would about the process of childbearing and childbirth — far more that I (or any sane person) would ever need to know, and thankfully most of it wasn’t necessary: in the end I held a healthy, beautiful baby boy in my arms.

So now that I’ve birthed THIS baby, I’m hoping I can soon go back to my book babies that I abandoned last year. I’m hoping they forgive me and welcome me back with open arms, because I have so much more to write. I’ve missed my characters. I’ve missed my writer self. I’ve missed that crazy high of being possessed by a scene, emotionally wrought by my own words!

Now, I just hope THIS baby can make room to allow me to work on my book babies again!

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Bloggers – The Holy Grail of Reviewers

I’ve been fortunate enough to have snagged the attention of a couple of bloggers recently with my debut novel “Climbing The Walls“.

Mind you, to date I must’ve emailed over 100 bloggers, with about a .0000000001% response rate, and then after sending my book to the few who DID respond… ***crickets***!!!

So I’m eternally humbled and grateful, and so thrilled that these two bloggers took the time and attention to lovingly describe aspects of my book that I myself couldn’t have written better.

I’ll share a few snippets here from my two recent reviews from:

 

The Difference of Detail with a “Blogger” Review

While there are more verbose reviewers who write quite a bit, a typical review usually ranges anywhere from a one-liner to a few paragraphs and focuses on what the reader “liked” and “didn’t like” about the book.

A blogger’s review may do the same, but I’ve found most bloggers would go deeper and unpack the themes and issues they experienced while reading.

As a past Literature student who spent hours ripping apart themes of the books I studied, it’s such a weird and warm feeling to have that done to your own works, by bloggers who in their own right are writers themselves!

I love how Debjani’s review opens, with the line:

“We’re Kris and Nicole. We’re supposed to fit.”

This goes straight to the essence of the story — Kris and Nicole intended to defy all the nay-sayers by having the best relationship possible, and that quote from Nicole shows her insecurity in that moment of doubt where she feels so out of sync with Kris.

Similarly, Eileen also goes straight to the heart of the story:

“How much is too little, enough, or too much sex?”

Kris and Nicole, and their friends with whom they interact, are often talking about sex — which Kris and Nicole have loads of, sure, but it doesn’t make their marriage perfect. Behind closed doors, sex becomes a weapon or a mind game, and it’s the reason Kris has often buckled and gave in, against his better judgement.

The Theme of “Friendship”

Eileen brought up the important theme of friendship, and she was the first reader to zero in on that in her review:

“Are friendships outside of marriage ‘real’, or limited to what the other partner allows?”

Friendship is a key undercurrent theme of the series. Nicole, a sexy and promiscuous waitress prior to marrying Kris, has always struggled with female friendships, and finds more in common with her career-driven boss Darren. But male-female relationships get complicated fast, particularly when his own marriage is on shaky ground.

Kris is close to both men and women, primarily his coworkers Bryan and Vicki, and he also has a close friend from his past, J.J. His world and Nicole’s world don’t often collide in terms of friendships.

Notably, when they are struggling in their relationship, neither Nicole nor Kris initially reach out to confide in these “friends” — even Nicole, who has been hearing Darren’s marriage woes for months.

As these relationships all intertwine inextricably, it brings to the fore whether “friendship” is as important to either party, once their “relationship”/”marriage” begins, and which should take precedence.

Children’s Role in a Marriage

I love that Eileen brings up the topic:

“Would marriages of the various couples in the book survive if they did not have young children to raise?”

This is a question I ask myself when writing, all the time.

When you first fall for someone — chemistry, fireworks, explosion — it’s not the same relationship you will have years down the line, when you have children and your days are preoccupied with school runs, dirty diapers, and chores.

For Darren and Luisa especially, the fact that they already had two kids surely would have impacted their decision to stay together despite her infidelity.

Those kinds of questions are at the heart of my genre I like to call “real-life” romance.

In my series, children are important, yes. And they get the best, cutest scenes! Debjani mentions:

“Fortuné’s writing is vividly descriptive. I could picture Kris planting a sloppy kiss on Kiki, his five-year-old precocious daughter’s forehead. I could also picture him kissing the two-year-old Khai’s chubby cheeks. Lastly, I could also picture Nicole watching all of them… from afar.”

It takes a lot for Nicole to eventually come to a point where she is really ready to surmount her own damaged past and make her family a priority.

 

Adultery & Forgiveness

And finally, we come to the overriding crux of the “Hart & Cole” series. As Eileen asks:

“What is forgiveness? Is adultery the worst crime in marriage, how do couples deal with it whenever one or both of them commit adultery?”

Adultery is everywhere throughout the book — Nicole’s parents’ relationship was fraught with it, Darren’s and Luisa’s marriage is tainted by it, and there are dashes of it everywhere you turn with other minor individuals and couples.

At the end of the day, a relationship isn’t often what it looks like on the outside, and it can be a daily battle just to maintain that façade among friends and family.

Eileen notes:

“Reading the book kept me reflective on issues of friendships in and out of marriage, parenthood, work and employment, and what it takes to live with another adult.”

And Debjani states:

“If you want to read a gritty, real, and raw romance novel, then pick up Climbing the Walls by Sacha T. Y. Fortuné. If you are married, then you are bound to glimpse a slice of your marriage in this book.”

It isn’t all hearts and rainbows, but there is a lot to unpack here, and a lot of love. Overall, the story of “Climbing The Walls” aims to show that adultery doesn’t happen in isolation, and there are no easy answers to how to cope with it.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my recap here. Be sure to read the two full blogger reviews, and check out their other book reviews on their sites:

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The Conflation of Motherhood

Motherhood is a HUGE theme in my Hart & Cole series, and I thought it would be worthwhile to focus on this theme for discussion.

In our society, a woman’s worth is often conflated with her ability to not only bear children, but to then selflessly raise them without a thought for herself.

This is the crux of the drama for the first couple in my series, Kris and Nicole.

Nicole: “I could do that whole… mom… thing”

Nicole can do the “dutiful wife” part; that’s easy – she’s always wanted Kris; the problem is that for him, the “mothering” part is also a major part of the wife role, and that’s where she struggles.

They’ve always talked about kids; she never saw herself as NOT having kids. I mean, it’s what you do, right?… whether or not you ever seriously thought about what it meant to have them or what you needed to sacrifice to do so; whether or not you yourself had a good relationship with your own mother; whether or not you ever really saw yourself as a mother.

Both Kris and Nicole come from dysfunctional families, despite the fact that they each had both parents around.

Kris’ background included a working-class home with parents that just couldn’t get it together to be home and actually parent their two kids; Nicole also came from a working-class home and was an only child, but her own parents were a hot mess as well.

For Kris, NOT having the kind of parents he would have wanted, made him even more desirous of the kind of home he wants to build with his own kids.

For Nicole, she just can’t figure out what’s missing in her, that motherhood didn’t come naturally. She’s going through the motions. She’s doing the pick-ups and drop-offs and dinner trade-offs and the natural order of splitting parenthood. She’s trying. But she’s faltering at every step of the way — and she knows it.

She sees how Kris is with the kids, and she envies it — how the kids crawl all over him, how he always stoops to talk to the kids at eye level, how he stops what he’s doing immediately to attend to something his kids want him to do.

She’s just… not like that. She doesn’t know how to be.

Luisa: “Stay-at-home mom”

Luisa, on the other hand, we only get to know in Book 1 through what Darren says about her, but it’s enough to realise she is Nicole’s polar opposite. I’ll focus on Book 1 only for now.

Darren describes her family in passing, and in the little he does say, it’s evident she’s nothing like Nicole. “Worldly” and “amazing” — he originally thought she was out of his reach.

To him, she was the epitome of what he needed on his arm — a trophy, the perfect wife and mother… “warm, loving, but composed“.

She also comes from a upper-middle-class background with both parents and brothers that love her, particularly Alejandro (Lee).

For Luisa, motherhood came naturally.

She’s a mother to her three kids, and even a mother-figure to her younger brother. Since her youngest child was born, she’s stayed at home with her.

As a stay-at-home mom, however, she doesn’t have what Nicole has — the career, the security of self-pride, the knowledge of her own awesomeness as a woman outside of the “mother” label. That’s where she falters.

Darren’s friendship with Nicole centres on his admiration of her talent — the raw talent he helped to develop out of her; and Luisa can sense that connection a mile away.

It’s what eventually leads her into the arms of another man.

Overprotective & Underwhelming Mothers

We also see some minor characters — Carrina, who is only 23 and raising her young son on her own; and Stacey, who dominates every aspect of her children’s lives, hovering to make sure they are mothered enough.

Carrina makes it look easy, and she’s good at it — Nicole sees her with her son and is jealous about how natural she makes it all seem, just like Kris does.

Stacey makes it seem like a job, but she’s also good at it — Nicole sees her as overprotective and overbearing, and rolls her eyes every time Stacey branches off into ‘baby-talk’ with kids.

We also get snippets of Kris’ and Nicole’s childhood memories…

Nicole’s mother constantly berated her husband; Nicole says:

“She made her throat sore from the yelling, the screaming, the squabbling… I remember her with her mouth open, always; the woman never shut up.”

And Kris says:

“Her mamma… was a dragon. Spat fire, that one.”

Kris’ own mother preferred to stay quietly on the peripheries of conflict, rather than getting involved. Even as an adult, she cowers to her husband’s raging temper, and leaves the room when he and Kris start to fight:

“Typical of her. Extracts herself from a situation that she doesn’t want to exist in. I’m surprised it took her this long to resign herself. She did it for twenty-two years while I lived under her roof.”

Give Mamas a Chance

…So there’s a lot here, to unpack, when it comes to motherhood. I think it’s an important theme to focus on, because motherhood doesn’t come naturally; we are fools to believe it does, or that it would, or that it should.

The redeeming quality of motherhood, in Nicole’s case, is that when you DO give her half a chance, she rises to the occasion.

Usually, with Kris being around all the time, being the super-parent, Nicole hasn’t had to try too hard. Kris has always doubted her, and never really gave her a chance to become the type of mom he wants her to be.

When tragedy strikes with their daughter, Nicole doubts her powers as a parent once more:

“I really wish Kris was here. He – he knows her better than I do.”

But, even though Kris does return, it’s Nicole who saves the day and triumphs in her newfound bond with her daughter to understand her and think like her.

Nicole is inherently selfish (as most of us would be, if we let ourselves be!); but while fathers can “get away with it” if they’re “half-arsing” it as a parent, mothers just can’t. Everyone down to her daughter’s teacher – down to her daughter, in fact! – can tell.

Nicole has to go through a journey to see herself as a parent – and it takes a good bit of soul-searching for her to get there, and for her little mini-me (her daughter Nikita) to lead the way.

So, that’s it, for the “Motherhood” theme, for the moment at least! 🙂

I’ll pick another theme to delve into for another post.

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