We don’t think twice about creating an entire genre for a broad-spectrum term “Women’s Fiction” but when it comes to fiction for men it’s assumed that there is no such specific thing. But though I labelled it “Family Life Fiction” which would be more understandable at a glance, this really needs to be in its own category.

*Disclaimer: This book came to me via a book club, and I’m thrilled it did because if I hadn’t already picked it up with the intention of reviewing it, I honestly doubt I would have made it to the end. And I’m so, so glad I did!*

The Premise:

Single father Ben is raising his daughter Sophia with a will and a hope and a prayer he doesn’t literally go mad before he gets her to adulthood. With a truckload of abandonment issues and insanity-laced baggage in his past, he’s dedicated himself to “getting her on that lifeboat” and holding himself together until he does. In the meanwhile, he’s avoiding substances so he can stay lucid, and he’s seeing a shrink to keep his head straight as best as he can. Happening simultaneously as she ages from doe-eyed innocence into a teenager and then a young woman, Ben struggles with a relationship he never got over — “the one that got away” Anna.

…Except the “one that got away” — who is now married to his supposed “best friend” — hasn’t gone anywhere. As they reconnect after a long period and then stay in touch throughout the years, the anguish builds as they ruminate over the mistakes made, the regrets that never die, and the past lives not lived.

The Pros:

The prose is just… in a word: excellent. The reader is right there with every moment, feeling the seesaw of Ben’s emotions — his driven nature to be all he can be for his daughter, his goofy dad moments, his anguish over the foolish errors of youth, and the ceaseless tug of war with himself as he fights the undying umbilical pull to the love of his life. There were moments that just stop you in your tracks:

The incessant anxiety:

“It feels like the shelf life of my sanity is expiring”

“I don’t think I’d ever intentionally try to kill myself” […with sleeping pills etc. but while crossing the road or driving…] “I fall into a kind of passive disregard for my safety.”

Spending time in the present, with his past lover:

“I miss her. I even miss the excruciating awkwardness of trying to just be friends”

“Damn this perfect moment. Like, how dare this taste so real.”

Losing touch with his daughter:

“I know it’s the push and pull of adolescence, but I can’t tell anymore when she wants me to leave her alone, or when she needs me”

“No one prepares you for when your kid start to forget all those things you shared. Memories you hold onto like a man overboard clutching a lifesaver. But for your kid, it just vanishes like it was never there. It’s like you get dementia at both ends of your life”

And even about the process of writing itself:

“I think to myself I’ve got to remember what this feels like so I can write about it later.”

“No one understands why writers write, and they always want to know if you’re making a living off it. Like that’s relevant. I don’t write for money, and I don’t need someone to tell me it’s good.”

There is a particular craft of a writer to throw those moments out there that are instantly awe-inspiring, and I enjoyed all of that thoroughly. I also appreciated how no character in this sordid tale was necessarily evil. They were all just living their own versions of the same reality, much of which was occluded from Ben until the very end. There are no heroes or heroines here — which I always, always echo in my own role as a writer of “real-life romance” as I always love a book with that overriding message. We are all just fighting our own demons.

The Cons:

While I loved the general cadence of this book, the pacing took some getting used to. It travels the span of quite a long period of time, and it reads like a memoir of sorts as it felt like the writer put a LOT of himself into it. For instance, while all the musical references seamlessly interwoven enriched the story greatly (showcasing the writer’s own background as a musician), a lot of the references would go completely over any average reader’s head. I can see this translating exceptionally well for a film, but I personally didn’t need so much of it in a book. This was an extremely tiny hiccup, though. Overall the book was a joy to journey through, and the ending was just perfect.

Conclusion:

This was an exceptional read and I can see this story staying with me for quite awhile. The author’s voice is prominent, clear, and painfully poignant. It’s also incredibly, incredibly male — and I think men (especially fathers) could benefit so much from reading this. Despite some lags in the flow from time to time, the journey was worth taking. You need to be in the mood for this type of read, because it packs a seriously emotional punch. Nevertheless you do get that payoff in the end, so hang in there. I’ll leave you with one more from the author’s literary playbook:

“If love is meant to be, it’ll be. I don’t need it to survive anymore.”

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