The Cost of Creativity: Motherhood vs. Writing
I made it. One month into motherhood!
Okay, so I probably need to back up a bit. There’s been a long, long silence here… and for good reason.
At the start of the year, I welcomed my son into the world. My new year’s baby. My miracle baby.
…And yes, I was pretty quiet about it until after the fact. Which is rare, when you’re striving to be a successful writer and maintain a prominent social media presence.
‘Work-in-progress’ woes
Quite simply, I wanted to keep that precious part of my life away from social media.
…Though, to be honest, I was fairly “mum” (pun intended) on the topic in my personal life as well. It wasn’t until late in the pregnancy that my work colleagues and some friends found out, and many only found out when I sent a photo of him from my hospital bed! (Not to mention those who STILL haven’t gotten the memo!)
When something is so precious to me, silence is my only recourse.
In the same way that I am reluctant to share a really rough “work-in-progress” of my writing, I didn’t want to share my newest “work-in-progress” blooming from within.
I needed to work in silence, putting up a barrier to protect myself from the public eye so I could focus on the important task at hand.
You see, there’s always going to be someone in your audience who may not have your best interests at heart. Or the well-intentioned ones that just rub you the wrong way (conflicting or needless advice, birth horror stories, and the like!).
Once you put something out there, you don’t know the kind of energy you invite.
The energy to create life
…And speaking of energy, that was the other reason for my silence: I simply wasn’t writing.
I wasn’t on my website or my social media channels. I wasn’t running promotions. I wasn’t religiously logging in to my sales dashboard to see if I made a few pennies that day.
Suddenly, being a mommy was way more critical than being a writer… just as I suspected it would be, which is why I pushed myself to finish the first three books in my Hart & Cole series before I headed down the motherhood path.
I had to “birth” my books before I could birth anything else.
Being a published writer was a lifelong goal since I was a tot myself, and I didn’t want to be one of those writers who let circumstances derail me from that goal.
At the same time, I totally understand those who struggle to balance family life with writing demands.
Creating and nurturing life is tiring and requires an enormous amount of energy, and it bodes the same for breathing life into the stories you create.
It’s only been a month for me, and I can tell you: parenthood is no joke. It’s hard work and it’s not always glorious or cute. And no one wants to be so tired from life that writing feels like a chore!
Book Baby vs. Real Baby
I’ve always known that writing is a hectic stress on my body and brain, as I’ve written about on my blog earlier. So last year, once I knew my baby was on the way, I made a decision and took a break from my book babies.
Thank God I did — I couldn’t deal with preggy pains and hormones on top of the rollercoaster of writer emotions… (to the mamas that do, you’re my heroines!)
I also needed to preserve all that crazy writer energy and stamina — you know, the adrenaline that keeps you up at night on a million websites researching how best to market your masterpiece!
I now had to turn to my new obsession: building a baby.
My paranoia drove me to the height of late-night panic sessions about whether I was doing everything right for my little one. I learnt far more than I ever thought I would about the process of childbearing and childbirth — far more that I (or any sane person) would ever need to know, and thankfully most of it wasn’t necessary: in the end I held a healthy, beautiful baby boy in my arms.
So now that I’ve birthed THIS baby, I’m hoping I can soon go back to my book babies that I abandoned last year. I’m hoping they forgive me and welcome me back with open arms, because I have so much more to write. I’ve missed my characters. I’ve missed my writer self. I’ve missed that crazy high of being possessed by a scene, emotionally wrought by my own words!
Now, I just hope THIS baby can make room to allow me to work on my book babies again!
