friendship - Sacha T. Y. Fortuné

Tag: friendship

On Writing

Support & The Solitude of the Writer Life

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Writing a book is like starting a business. (And I’ve done both.)

Particularly when it comes to support from your network.

Or who you “think” is your network, anyway.

You know… your friends, your family, your coworkers or colleagues, and the like.

Almost everyone who’s aware of your writing “hobby” (because that’s the box they’ve put it into, in their minds) will have genuine words of support while your work is in progress, and maybe even when it’s out there.

But for many… once the time is upon us to actually support beyond saying “Congrats”… it’s crickets.

The Business of Support

Recently, a friend of mine opened a business. I stopped in, bought something, took photos, and posted it on social media.

Now, whenever I spot a post from this friend about the business, I’ll share and add a line or two encouraging my friends/followers to check it out.

And every chance I get, if I think someone’s even remotely interested, I’ll mention in a word-of-mouth convo: “Oh, if you’re looking for X, I know this place…”

Mind you, I’m not even that close to this guy. And this guy is BELOVED. He has hundreds, maybe even thousands, of friends. People know he’s talented.

But when he took this talent to create something bigger, I was in the tiny percentile that gave a rat’s ass.

Still, when any already-famous celebrity does the slightest thing, the average Joe or Josephina jumps on top of it to support.

…To yell “me too!” into a cacophony of noise that won’t make the slightest difference to its producer.

The (Writer) Cheese Stands Alone

Fortunately for me, I didn’t expect too much from my immediate real-life network in terms of writing.

I never have, if we’re being entirely honest here.

I’ve been writing FOREVER, and as a child I was lucky to have parents who would share my stories and novels and accomplishments with their colleagues, whether or not they read it themselves — just because they were proud I was writing.

But apart from those who brought you into this world… (and in some cases, not even them!)… I wouldn’t recommend counting on anyone else’s lifelong support for your accomplishments.

Even at university, when I was President of the Writers’ Guild at one point, I knew that this world — writers — would always be separate from my friends who I’d go out and party with.

I’m not saying that writers can’t party. Oh, we can, and we did, and we do!

But (almost) anyone you meet outside of that safe space of “Hey, we are both writers” will NEVER understand the struggle.

They’ll never know how much their support means, or maybe even how to support you. And that’s if they even want to!

Solitude & Sacrilege

I’m three years into my published writing journey so far, and I can count maybe 10-15 friends that have done even one of the following: (1) bought the book (2) downloaded a free copy when prompted (3) left a review (4) told their friends (5) done literally anything beyond say “Congrats”.

It’s not that my friends suck. I love my friends.

…But my friends aren’t writers.

They don’t live with fully-fleshed characters in their heads for 15-20 years.

They don’t spend countless hours trying to fix a scene to make it “just right”.

They don’t spend entire chunks of their day hopping from author Facebook group to promo Facebook group and back again, or literally years just browsing the internet trying to learn the marketing side of this craft.

They don’t understand that your writing, your fictional world, and your characters are sacred… and their blatant disregard or flippant remark may be hurtful.

They’re sweet, and maybe they mean well… but they don’t get it. They simply can’t.

Even if they try to (and most don’t), the reality is that everyone else is living their lives while you’re writing yours away.

Or, quite simply: they aren’t your target market.

But somewhere out there is someone who will support you in the ways you need. That person, that reader, that fan… for whom your story will change their life.

…It’s just really, really unlikely that that person will ALSO be your friend.

Education & Understanding

So if this post seemed bitter from the jump, I hope it’s not coming off like that now.

It’s not about writers screaming “buy my book” until their network is tired of hearing it, and it’s not about friends being unsupportive.

It’s about education and understanding. As writers, it’s our job to educate our network — tell others what we want, when we want it, and how much we would appreciate it.

As I posted recently to one of those bajillion author groups I now belong to:

You don’t often get things you don’t ask for.

So writers… (and I’ve seen the bitter posts on many author groups!)… ASK. Just ASK. Don’t be ashamed to flaunt your writer wares to your loved ones and explicitly outline: “This is how I would like you to help me, even if you have zero intention of ever buying or reading my book.”

We live in a shareable world driven by social media influencers, and amidst the cacophony of noise, any little nudge will help.

So, writers, ask for that nudge! Here’s mine:

You can share my posts, my promotional images, my Author website, my purchase links, my Facebook page @SFortuneAuthor, my Instagram feed @sfortuneauthor, or my Twitter feed @authorsfortune.

 

 

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Book Reviews

Bloggers – The Holy Grail of Reviewers

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I’ve been fortunate enough to have snagged the attention of a couple of bloggers recently with my debut novel “Climbing The Walls“.

Mind you, to date I must’ve emailed over 100 bloggers, with about a .0000000001% response rate, and then after sending my book to the few who DID respond… ***crickets***!!!

So I’m eternally humbled and grateful, and so thrilled that these two bloggers took the time and attention to lovingly describe aspects of my book that I myself couldn’t have written better.

I’ll share a few snippets here from my two recent reviews from:

 

The Difference of Detail with a “Blogger” Review

While there are more verbose reviewers who write quite a bit, a typical review usually ranges anywhere from a one-liner to a few paragraphs and focuses on what the reader “liked” and “didn’t like” about the book.

A blogger’s review may do the same, but I’ve found most bloggers would go deeper and unpack the themes and issues they experienced while reading.

As a past Literature student who spent hours ripping apart themes of the books I studied, it’s such a weird and warm feeling to have that done to your own works, by bloggers who in their own right are writers themselves!

I love how Debjani’s review opens, with the line:

“We’re Kris and Nicole. We’re supposed to fit.”

This goes straight to the essence of the story — Kris and Nicole intended to defy all the nay-sayers by having the best relationship possible, and that quote from Nicole shows her insecurity in that moment of doubt where she feels so out of sync with Kris.

Similarly, Eileen also goes straight to the heart of the story:

“How much is too little, enough, or too much sex?”

Kris and Nicole, and their friends with whom they interact, are often talking about sex — which Kris and Nicole have loads of, sure, but it doesn’t make their marriage perfect. Behind closed doors, sex becomes a weapon or a mind game, and it’s the reason Kris has often buckled and gave in, against his better judgement.

The Theme of “Friendship”

Eileen brought up the important theme of friendship, and she was the first reader to zero in on that in her review:

“Are friendships outside of marriage ‘real’, or limited to what the other partner allows?”

Friendship is a key undercurrent theme of the series. Nicole, a sexy and promiscuous waitress prior to marrying Kris, has always struggled with female friendships, and finds more in common with her career-driven boss Darren. But male-female relationships get complicated fast, particularly when his own marriage is on shaky ground.

Kris is close to both men and women, primarily his coworkers Bryan and Vicki, and he also has a close friend from his past, J.J. His world and Nicole’s world don’t often collide in terms of friendships.

Notably, when they are struggling in their relationship, neither Nicole nor Kris initially reach out to confide in these “friends” — even Nicole, who has been hearing Darren’s marriage woes for months.

As these relationships all intertwine inextricably, it brings to the fore whether “friendship” is as important to either party, once their “relationship”/”marriage” begins, and which should take precedence.

Children’s Role in a Marriage

I love that Eileen brings up the topic:

“Would marriages of the various couples in the book survive if they did not have young children to raise?”

This is a question I ask myself when writing, all the time.

When you first fall for someone — chemistry, fireworks, explosion — it’s not the same relationship you will have years down the line, when you have children and your days are preoccupied with school runs, dirty diapers, and chores.

For Darren and Luisa especially, the fact that they already had two kids surely would have impacted their decision to stay together despite her infidelity.

Those kinds of questions are at the heart of my genre I like to call “real-life” romance.

In my series, children are important, yes. And they get the best, cutest scenes! Debjani mentions:

“Fortuné’s writing is vividly descriptive. I could picture Kris planting a sloppy kiss on Kiki, his five-year-old precocious daughter’s forehead. I could also picture him kissing the two-year-old Khai’s chubby cheeks. Lastly, I could also picture Nicole watching all of them… from afar.”

It takes a lot for Nicole to eventually come to a point where she is really ready to surmount her own damaged past and make her family a priority.

 

Adultery & Forgiveness

And finally, we come to the overriding crux of the “Hart & Cole” series. As Eileen asks:

“What is forgiveness? Is adultery the worst crime in marriage, how do couples deal with it whenever one or both of them commit adultery?”

Adultery is everywhere throughout the book — Nicole’s parents’ relationship was fraught with it, Darren’s and Luisa’s marriage is tainted by it, and there are dashes of it everywhere you turn with other minor individuals and couples.

At the end of the day, a relationship isn’t often what it looks like on the outside, and it can be a daily battle just to maintain that façade among friends and family.

Eileen notes:

“Reading the book kept me reflective on issues of friendships in and out of marriage, parenthood, work and employment, and what it takes to live with another adult.”

And Debjani states:

“If you want to read a gritty, real, and raw romance novel, then pick up Climbing the Walls by Sacha T. Y. Fortuné. If you are married, then you are bound to glimpse a slice of your marriage in this book.”

It isn’t all hearts and rainbows, but there is a lot to unpack here, and a lot of love. Overall, the story of “Climbing The Walls” aims to show that adultery doesn’t happen in isolation, and there are no easy answers to how to cope with it.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my recap here. Be sure to read the two full blogger reviews, and check out their other book reviews on their sites:

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On Writing

A Conversation with a Skeptic-Friend-Turned-Fan

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So I’m six months into this writer journey, with two books under my belt, and had a recent experience I thought worth sharing.

My friend agreed to let me share this once she read it first and once I kept her nameless, so here goes:

 

Confession: “I didn’t plan to read your book”

“So… this is really awkward, but I just read your book (the first one)… and I think I owe you an apology.”

Huh?

(I was lost.)

“I know you’ve been talking about this book and this writer thing for months now…”

Yeah, I’ve been a bit of a pain, I know — but as an indie author, if we don’t shout about our books, no one will read them…

“Right. So like, when you first published, I told you congrats…”

Yeah, I remember. Thanks, I appreciate your support!

“And I told you I’d buy it, which I did…”

Oh, great. Thanks again…

“But at the time I figured: okay it’s a few bucks, what the hell… though I didn’t really plan to read it.”

Ah, okay…

(Now I get the “awkward” part)

“I do read, but not that much, and I’m busy with work and my kids…”

Sure, I get it. Totally understand…

“And then, the other day, I was in a waiting room at the hospital for about six hours.”

(*We chatted for a bit on her personal family matter – this part I won’t share*)

“So I had my phone, and literally nothing to do for a long time, and I saw someone reading a book next to me, and I remembered I had downloaded your book months ago, so I hunted on my phone to see if I still had it… I don’t really understand this app thing, not sure if it disappears after awhile…”

Okay…

(This is getting to be the weirdest “apology” and most awkward long-winded convo ever)

“So yeah… I started reading it…”

Oh, great. Let me know how it turns out. Hope you like it.

“…And I finished reading it that same day.”

Bless your soul. Amazon says it takes 14+ hours on average…

“Yeah, that sounds about right. The six hours in the waiting room… then another hour on my journey home… then four more hours… took a break to organise my kids for bed and to get ready for school the next day… then the remainder of it I read well into the early hours of the morning… and I had work the next day!”

Oh, dear.

“In fact, I think I might have given myself a bladder infection coming down to the end, because I put off STOPPING for quite awhile.”

YIKES! Okay… ah, sorry?

“So… right. The apology part. Well… like, I always knew you were into writing, but somehow it just… wasn’t what I expected.”

What did you expect…?

“Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe that it was going to be too ‘high-brow’ for me to ‘get’ (like I said, I don’t read a lot) since I know you’re like, smart and stuff… or maybe that it was going to be bad or just kind of ‘meh’ and I didn’t want to feel awkward talking to you if I didn’t like it…”

Ah, okay…

“I just didn’t expect it to be like… like… I don’t know. You know when you binge-watch shows you stream because you just can’t stop? I’m not a big reader, and I just never felt that way from a BOOK.”

Ah, okay…

“Like I could PICTURE all these characters, Like I could FEEL everything. Like I wanted to BAWL and SCREAM and fling the book when I got to Chapter…”

(*spoiler – not sharing that part*)

(And now, I’m laughing — and noting who to keep in touch with, to one day help me write my Netflix pitch!)

“So… yeah. I just wanted to say — I’m so sorry I took so long to read it. And so sorry I didn’t even originally plan to read it. I promise I will now, for anything else you write.”

Thanks, I appreciate it. I really do.

 

Why are “friends” the last to believe?

So that conversation led me to think a lot about how isolating it can be as an author, particularly an independent/self-published or “indie” author.

I just did my first couple of “Author Takeovers” recently, where you “take over” a Facebook group and chat with its members for awhile in real-time. (To get an idea of what this entails, read this post.)

It was AWESOME to know that people tuned in just to say hi and that they appreciated your book.

And here’s the thing I realised, while doing it:

My biggest fans are people I’ve never met, and likely never will.

Ironically, “supportive” friends can sometimes be the last to appreciate your work.

In many cases, it goes a little something like this:

  • They’ll say “congrats” a million times and tell everyone you’re awesome… but never buy the book
  • They’ll share your post and/or tell others you wrote a book, and pretend they’ve read it
  • They’ll browse reviews and then tell you they’ve read the book, when you absolutely 100% know they haven’t
  • They’ll buy the book with no intention of ever reading it, and tell you “I’m supporting you with a sale”

…Yeah. And this is the supportive friend, which many authors are not even lucky enough to have!

 

Somewhat salty support…?

Nothing against these types of friends, by the way. ANY tiny nudge of support is appreciated! As an indie author, we take EVERYTHING we can get!

…And I’m not saying my book is the best thing ever, or that it will change your life.

Some people loved it, and they GOT it. Others… simply… won’t.

So, I reiterate: I’m not screaming “READ MY BOOK” to everyone. Obviously, it’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea!

But I’d much rather you pass along the info to someone you know who DOES read and might actually buy it AND read it.

It’s a little insulting to tell a writer “I’m supporting you with a sale” (woo-hoo! I get a buck and some cents), with absolutely ZERO intention of ever reading it.

While a sale is always nice, I’m not in dire need of the pennies. I’m writing to share a story, not to make a mint off of my closest friends!

So I’m not baring my soul in my writing just for empty admiration.

If you DON’T plan to read it, be upfront about that, and find other ways to support!

If you DO plan to read it, then give your friend the benefit of the doubt, and go in blindly with the faith that there’s something of merit in their work.

And remember, there are several ways you can support your writer friend — even if you don’t read, or don’t read their genre.

We live in a shareable world driven by social media influencers, and amidst the cacophony of noise, any little nudge will help.

You can share my posts, my promotional images, my Author website, my purchase links (Kindle or paperback), my Facebook page @SFortuneAuthor, my Instagram feed @sfortuneauthor, or my Twitter feed @authorsfortune.

Or, if you’re not on social media, no prob… you can do the old-school version of this. Drop it into a convo: “Hey, so my friend published a novel…” Yeah, it’s that simple.

Like I said, there are LOADS of ways to support your writer friends, without giving an empty promise about reading/buying their books. If you want to help but don’t know how, just ask!

 

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